My story of God’s love
I was brought up in a church going family and have always believed in God. I called myself a Christian because I went to church, but this is not the meaning of a Christian, as I was to discover!
I left church when I was 17 due to my parents being treated badly. It left me feeling confused and questioning God. Following this, I started going clubbing and had a mission to find love.
I lived for the weekend and the hope of meeting someone. At 19, I started dating a man who wasn’t a Christian, and was very different to me. Before long, I was addicted to him. My life revolved around him.
Soon this relationship started to change me. My character changed; I swore constantly and did things I said I never would. Not long after, I went away to university.
In Freshers’ week I saw the stand for the Christian Union (CU) and was reminded of God and all the confusion I felt. I talked to a girl who literally shone! Sad to say, I don’t think until then I had ever met a real Christian totally living for God.
I went to CU now and then, but my focus was my boyfriend. In my second year I started going to an Alpha course, which I was helping to lead along with the CU (as I was attending CU more regularly). However, the course really challenged me!
I felt a deep desire to be a better person, but didn’t know how. After two years in my relationship, I began to feel God was challenging my life. At first, I tried to ignore him, as I was quite happy with my life. But as time went on, I felt uncomfortable.
I began to ask questions like, ‘Is this really the life God wants me to be living?’ I also thought, ‘If I die tomorrow, where would I go?’
I was scared that I might be on my way to hell, not heaven. I was also convicted of sin in my relationship. I spoke to my boyfriend about these issues that were challenging me, but he didn’t understand.
I thought, if we could stop the sin in our relationship, things would be better. The feeling that my life was wrong continued. I was confused. So I prayed to God, asking him if my boyfriend and I were meant to be together. I wanted to know if this relationship was God’s idea or mine.
My boyfriend started to become distant and didn’t want anything to change. As I continued to pray for guidance, it became clear that this man wasn’t in God’s plan for me. A few days later, a Christian lady shared with me how she had married the wrong man. She knew he wasn’t the one, even on her wedding day! It scared me – what if I was to do the same?
She then shared with me how God had changed her life. She told me the good news: Jesus died on the cross for every wrong thing we’ve ever done and will do. He took the punishment that should be ours. If we believe in him, then we are forgiven and saved from hell.
In that moment the penny dropped – Jesus died ‘for me’! All the times I’d gone my own way and messed up, he died for all of it. He died for the shame I was feeling and the guilt over my sins.
There was nothing I could do to make me right with God. I’m made right because of what Jesus Christ did for me. I prayed, accepting that I was a sinner. I asked Jesus to come into my life as Saviour and change it to how he wanted it to be.
After this prayer I had deep peace. I knew I had just done something life-changing. Now God was ‘number one’ in my life and everything else was clear.
I further realised that although there were issues in my relationship, the real issue was that this whole relationship was never God’s will for me! I broke up with the man, which was incredibly hard, but God gave me the strength to let go. God taught me to trust him with my future.
It amazes me how doing God’s will is often hard, but he always enables you to do it, by his grace. I have learned the hard way that God knows what he is doing in our lives.
Years on, God has blessed me so much. I am married to a Christian man and know he is the right man, because I asked God at the start! My testimony is a story of love – God’s love. He is the only one who can save you, love you and lead you in life. People let you down, but God never does.
Becoming a Christian isn’t by walking through a church door on Sundays or being ‘religious’, it’s by having a relationship with God.
Come to God in prayer; ask for forgiveness; acknowledge that Jesus died in your place; and wait in faith and excitement to see where he takes you!